It's been a long day and I sat down tonight to write, but nothing seemed to come to mind as being interesting or even remotely engrossing. So I've decided to just write randomly as thoughts come to mind in hopes that I'll have something more interesting to say later this week.

Spider-man 3 wasn't all that exciting. It wasn't as good as the second film and I think it tried to do too much overall; too many characters to do much developing.

Funerals are a rip off. I think I'll write a post over this some time, but it's actually ridiculous. The average U.S. funeral costs over $10,000. Amazing...

I'm not very patriotic anymore and this saddens me in a way. I have become so sensitive to people trying to wrap God in our national flag, Christians who have equated Republicans to "God's party", and bumper stickers that say things such as "vote like a Christian" that I am keenly aware of the disgust I have with all of it. I remember feeling great pride to be an American as a kid and there was a sense of belonging and comfort in that; but I don't feel that anymore and it really does sadden me a bit. Don't get me wrong: I'm happy to have the freedoms that I do and as far as comfort and freedom of religion goes, Americans have it great. But it's becoming harder and harder for me to throw my support behind any worldly government because of all of the ungodliness inherent in it.

I used to be guilty of mixing God and politics, so I understand the temptation and even the lack of realization that you're doing it. I often wonder what I'm currently doing today that I'll look back on in 10 years and thank God that I don't think like that anymore.

People don't like the church and I find that somewhat depressing. We've given them lots of reasons not to like us, but it doesn't make me any happier to know that many of their gripes are legitimate.

I wish the church looked more like Jesus and less like...what we look like now.

I feel called to pastor, but I wonder sometimes what church would possibly have me. My vision of church is so radically different from what most look like today that I fear it will be difficult to find a good fit.

I haven't told many people this, but I was almost called to pastor a church about 6 months ago. I made it to the last three candidates. Even though I recognize that it probably wouldn't have been the best fit, it's still tough to get to know a group of people and then have them tell you that you're not their first choice because of age, inexperience, or whatever.

Vocational ministry has been, for the most part, a complete heart-ache up until this point in my life. In my last church I was so worried about job security, people that hated me, and church politics that I had several panic attacks. Why?

More and more I'm beginning to see that I have a lot of bitterness built up against the church in my heart. I don't want it there and it hurts badly. I was raised in church and people took care of me, nurtured me, and helped me to grow in Christ. But as I got older and started asking a few questions, or having a minor shift in my theology, or questioned why we seemed to care more about carpet color than the needy people that walked through our doors...something changed. It's like having the mother who raised you turn on you one day and begin to resent you.

It hurts. My heart literally feels broken into a million pieces over it. And even though the church I currently work for has been an infinitely better experience, filled with people who seem to love and appreciate both me and my wife, the pain is still there. What will it take to erase it? How long will it be before the feeling of betrayal leaves?

You know what's happened? I find myself less trusting of church people. I can share my faith with non-believers all day, answering any questions they ask about it or my personal theology with absolute honesty and no fear that they'll think less of me as long as I do it in a Christ-like way. But church people? I often find myself hiding large chunks of my beliefs and theology so that they won't write me off. It's a horrible feeling because I want to trust them more than anyone in the world...but I don't. The past has taught me not to.

I long for it to be enough to be a Christ-follower who believes the Bible is God's only inspired word. I know that will never happen in mainstream denominations and I even understand their reasoning to some degree...I just don't like the place they've landed with it.

Wow...don't know where all of that came from. I definitely wasn't planning on writing that when I sat down.